Post by Swamp Gas on Oct 6, 2004 14:07:55 GMT -5
Finally, you get some respect!!
Funny Guy!! We'll miss ya
"I tell ya I get no respect from anyone. I bought a cemetery plot. The guy said, 'There goes the neighborhood!"'
"When I was born, I was so ugly that the doctor slapped my mother."
"When I started in show business, I played one club that was so far out, my act was reviewed in Field and Stream."
"Every time I get in an elevator, the operator says the same thing to me: `Basement?"'
"When my parents got divorced, there was a custody fight over me. ... and no one showed up."
"I never got girls when I was a kid. One girl told me, `Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. There was nobody home."
"When I was 3 years old, my parents got a dog. I was jealous of the dog, so they got rid of me."
"When we got married, the first thing my wife did was put everything under both names -- hers and her mother's."
"With my wife, I don't get no respect. The other night there was a knock on the front door. My wife told me to hide in the closet."
"With my wife, I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it."
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met!
If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.
When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
I drink too much. Last time I gave a urine sample there was an olive in it.
With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we'll never see each other!
I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
I found there was only one way to look thin, hang out with fat people.
I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
Funny Guy!! We'll miss ya
"I tell ya I get no respect from anyone. I bought a cemetery plot. The guy said, 'There goes the neighborhood!"'
"When I was born, I was so ugly that the doctor slapped my mother."
"When I started in show business, I played one club that was so far out, my act was reviewed in Field and Stream."
"Every time I get in an elevator, the operator says the same thing to me: `Basement?"'
"When my parents got divorced, there was a custody fight over me. ... and no one showed up."
"I never got girls when I was a kid. One girl told me, `Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. There was nobody home."
"When I was 3 years old, my parents got a dog. I was jealous of the dog, so they got rid of me."
"When we got married, the first thing my wife did was put everything under both names -- hers and her mother's."
"With my wife, I don't get no respect. The other night there was a knock on the front door. My wife told me to hide in the closet."
"With my wife, I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it."
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met!
If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.
When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
I drink too much. Last time I gave a urine sample there was an olive in it.
With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we'll never see each other!
I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
I found there was only one way to look thin, hang out with fat people.
I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.