Post by peterfredson on Dec 9, 2004 15:25:24 GMT -5
RANDOM BREAKFAST THOUGHTS
By Peter Fredson
As I watched Fox Television today, I shuddered to find that my fears, about fundamentalists installing a theocracy, were coming to pass. The network is famous for one-sided presentations, for belligerent right-wing “anchors”, and for airing scurrilous material about Senator John Kerry. It had a one-sided miniature “debate” about “God being shut out of the public schools.” Fundamentalists were at their old trick of protesting at being oppressed, that their beliefs are not being enshrined, and reminding everyone that their Truth is superior to all others.
They are going to proceed with their campaign of stealth, deception, and brazen imposition of slogans, icons, symbols, pledges, monuments and other shtick. They intend to merge Christianity into all public affairs and to impose a monopoly regarding their beliefs, dogma and practices. They have most of the politicians sympathetic to their cause, because no politician can possibly speak against the Christian God. That would be political suicide.
There must be no hint of skepticism about prayer not working, that Jesus will come back any moment, that the Apocalypse will wipe out this earth, or even that angels flit about disguised as George Burns or Jim Carey. Statues will weep, toast will be burned in the image of some Virgin, someone will see Christ in their noodle soup, and little children will certify that stars, or the moon, follow them.
Every miracle will be solemnly reported, and not one single reporter will dare suggest the viewer is either drunk or under an illusion. Perhaps Oral Roberts will see another mile-high entity in his back yard, and people will send him millions of dollars to verify his sighting.
Certainly at Christmas they cannot imply that the Virgin was raped by a HOLY GHOST, or that stars do not lead Arabs on Camels or Donkeys anyplace, or that reindeer do not actually fly.
The exultant fundamentalists showed that their connection to the Oval Office was so strong that they will now be free to impose their religion upon the entire nation. So people had better shut up, or they will be taught a lesson. Remember, criticism is treason!
As I changed television channels, a picture of polychromed Angels appeared on the screen. Dressed in white flowing robes, with large wings attached firmly to their shoulders, a golden halo encircling their heads, blowing long trumpets, they came to deliver a message concerning Peace and Love, and to recommend buying a certain make and model of automobile, and to use a specific deodorant.
An old question then flitted through my reverie: “How many Angels can stand on the head of a pin?” One answer is “As many as want to do it.” Another answer is: “All of them.” or my favorite, “It doesn’t matter. Angels do not exist.”<br>
This is the time of year, December, when news magazines solemnly report the birth of Jesus Christ as news. They have large spreads of all sorts of pious material, including the present Pope’s speech, which was remarkably like the previous 100 Pope’s speeches. Some insist HE IS RISEN. The pious material is brought to us by many large corporations hoping to make a good profit on the expensive presents that were put on store shelves right about Thanksgiving time.
We will all listen to Bing Crosby’s WHITE CHRISTMAS record, whether we want to listen or not, as we walk down the street or into any store. He had a very nice voice, but, hey, the last thousand repetitions were a bit much.
The sappy organ music won’t quit, and we have rappers shouting doggerel verses in overly-strained voices. The bankrupt cities will spend money lavishly on decorating lamp-posts. Every “charitable” organization will send out millions of letters asking for money, showing starving little kids in Nicaragua or Durban, with fundamentalists patting them on the head, while ignoring the people living in cardboard boxes in their home town.
The Salvation Army will have unshaven bums ringing bells monotonously over a kettle which will provide money for the homeless, who will be proselytized endlessly before getting a meal. There will be a hundred Santas with detachable beards, smelling slightly of beer or whiskey, doing their “ho-ho” routine, confusing all the little starry-eyed tots. And fundamentalists will do their best to erect Nativity scenes on every public place in the nation.
A thousand tele-evangelist entertainers will quote Bible verses and thump their big black book, recommending listeners to send them “seed-money” for Baby Jesus who will never get a dime from them.
Several Xmas trees will catch fire from real candles. Thousands of turkeys, lambs, geese and oxen will be slaughtered, stuffed with croutons, so that thousands of obese individuals must loosen their belts. People who stored last year’s fruit cake in closets, will send the cakes out again to friends and relatives for a cheery surprise. Homeless people can feel the warm glow of Xmas by lying on the outlet of some large air-conditioning unit. People will give each other useless gifts, which can be rewrapped and re-gifted next year. Store owners will dance merrily to the ca-ching of their cash-registers. And, after Xmas, the stores will be crowed with people exchanging gifts for something they like better.
Millennium Corporation will feed our boys in Iraq with turkey and stuffing, for which they only charge triple their cost, while siphoning off several million, or billion, dollars more on dessert. Whoever is in the new Bush cabinet will hold hands and dance around the tree, giving thanks for their mansions, planes, vacation houses, stock options, voting machines, pork barrels, and a billion other things. John Ashcroft might sing a little song. Politicians will go into raptures on the blessings of religion under Bush. Oh, Life has been good to them.
Television weathermen will solemnly repeat the spoof that they see reindeer in the sky, and hear the jingle of bells coming their way. A million Xmas trees will be cut down, allowed to dry up, shed their needles all over the rug, and will then be discarded in the city dump. But, as Ronnie Reagan said, “Trees cause pollution,” They just clutter up the environment and keep parking lots from getting bigger, so good riddance.
Let’s do it all again, next year but bigger.